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Hot jokes today (10 of 56)

I remember when the only job a black man could get in America was cleaning up the mess that white folks made...

I guess some things never change.

Joke by sbyres, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged racist , black , america , barack obama - Current Score: 299 - Added: 22 hours ago

What do a you call a somali pirate?

A niggarrh.

Joke by sapper, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged pirate , somali - Current Score: 173 - Added: 9 hours ago

I went round to pick up a girl for a date and her dad answered the door. He said now you be sure to keep your hands off my daughter
So I said "Fine, but it's your fault if she falls off during sex"

Joke by ferret, in Sex and shit > Daughters - Tagged daughter , dad , sex - Current Score: 146 - Added: 18 hours ago

Why couldn't the American woman play violin?

She didn't know which chin to stick it under.

Joke by Anarchist008, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged americans , fat americans , lard , blubber - Current Score: 125 - Added: 18 hours ago

Andrew Smith boasted on youtube that he had "the eyes of a killer" after stamping a man to death.

Let's see how much he boasts when after a few months in prison he has the arsehole of Elton John.

Joke by bigboy, in Celebrity and news events > Killer - Tagged eyes of a killer , prison , bumming , elton john , youtube , andrew smith - Current Score: 99 - Added: 7 hours ago

It was revealed in court today how Mick Donovan managed to take Shannon Matthews out on shopping trips into Dewsbury, despite the fact that there were hundreds of police looking for her.
Quite simply, to blend in with every other female in town.....she wore a burkha.

Joke by Boogaloo, in Celebrity and news events > Shannon Matthews - Tagged dewsbury , pakis , town full of pakis , shannon matthews , mick donovan , police , burkha - Current Score: 69 - Added: 23 hours ago

Michael Jackson is American, black, an alleged homosexual paedophile and has now converted to a Muslim,

Well Jacko, get you hair dyed ginger and we know you have done all this just to get your name on this site.

Joke by Chalky, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Jackson - Tagged michael jackson , american , black , homosexual , paedophile , muslim , ginger - Current Score: 67 - Added: 6 hours ago

A kid sees his mate on the first day back at school after Christmas.
"Did you have a good Christmas?" he said.

"Yea, you know that air rifle I wanted? I got it. How about you?"

"Well, I woke up, and there was a long box on the end of my bed. It was
an air rifle just like yours except it's a .22 with telescopic sights. And as I got out
of bed, I stood on a massive parcel containing a Hornby train set of the entire British railway system,
points, platforms, shunters, the lot. And then I was just about to open it, when I saw a Rolex watch on my bedside
table, so I put it on, got my air rifle, and opened my door. In the corridor was a brand new Olympic, carbon fibre
racing bike, weighs less than 2lbs....so I've got my watch, my rifle and my bike, and I opened the front door
to find a miniature Aston Martin DB9 cabriolet in the driveway, absolutely fantastic, 4 forward gears, 1 reverse, goes 47 MPH...
I had the best Christmas I've ever had." He ended, breathlessly.

Looking rather downcast, the other kid said "Wish I had leukemia."

Joke by hussar, in Illness and mortality > Children - Tagged leukemia , christmas , incurable disease - Current Score: 41 - Added: 7 hours ago

Robin Hood lay dying, and all the faithful gathered round. With his weak and fading breath, Robin asked Marion to bring him the best arrow from the quiver beside his bed, and then asked Little John to bring him his bow. He put the arrow to the bow and aimed through the open window into the generous green sward of Sherwood Forest beyond which he loved so much. He asked of Friar Tuck, "Promise me that wherever the arrow falls, there you will bury me." And when Tuck had sworn, Robin Hood demanded the same of the others. Then with his last strength he drew on The bow and let the arrow fly.

And then he died, smiling. And next day, they did as they had promised, they buried Robin Hood....... on top of his wardrobe.

Joke by pornstar, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged robin hood , little john , maid marion , wardrobe , bow , arrow - Current Score: 40 - Added: 5 hours ago

I was at church the other day and when the collection came around I put some monopoly money in the basket. The priest said to me what are you doing, that's not real money!
I replied..."Well lets talk about this god of yours..."

Joke by ferret, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged god , monopoly money , fake - Current Score: 31 - Added: 2 hours ago

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Hot jokes this week (3 of 440)

Don't bother sending your children's toys to Africa.

Can you imagine how depressing it must be for those kids to receive a Tamagotchi that's going to outlive them?

Joke by dandan, in Jokes with no home > Children In Need - Tagged children , toy , africa - Current Score: 682 - Added: 6 days ago

I was disgusted when I saw Asda selling tins of baby peas...

Surely it's a bit too soon.

Joke by graeme_90, in Celebrity and news events > Baby P - Tagged baby p , petits pois , supermarket , too soon - Current Score: 629 - Added: 5 days ago

"Three Knifed At Urban Music Awards"

should read...

"Surprisingly Little Violence Amongst a Large Gathering of Blacks"

Joke by goonerphil, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged knife , blacks , music - Current Score: 605 - Added: 6 days ago

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Hottest Ever (3 of 17746. hit me!)

What's the difference between roadkill and a dead chav?
Roadkill has skid marks in front of it.

Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Chickens - Tagged roadkill , dead , chav , skid marks - Current Score: 39194 - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

Joke by ht, in Illness and mortality > suicide - Tagged library , suicide , book - Current Score: 15522 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Joke by Nangleberry Keen, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rape , gang , enjoy - Current Score: 10156 - Added: 1 year ago

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ht - 54096, pornstar - 29837, bobbydgg - 27339, mickle - 18008, baldlice - 17613, bawbag - 16832, ItchyAnus - 16721

Newest jokes (10 of 17746)

Statistics say that 70% of american women said they wished they had breasts like Pamela Anderson's.
The other 30% were american men with big tits already.

Joke by screamlol, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged americans , american , women , men , fat , fatty , fat bastard - Current Score: 1 - Added: 4 minutes ago

Now the BNP members' details are being published is there any list I'm not on?

Joke by IWANK, in Religion and racism > BNP - Tagged peadophile , black , rascist - Current Score: 1 - Added: 7 minutes ago

mr noseybonk got buried to -6. Reveal Joke

I know it is a prerequisite for a catholic priest to love little boys - didn't realise it was the same for muslims - thanks Michael - learn something new every day

Joke by unipede, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Jackson - Tagged catholic , muslim - Current Score: 1 - Added: 21 minutes ago

Just to anounce that to celebrate Michael Jackson's conversion to muslim he will be re-releasing his old hits: 'Farewell My Bomber Love' and 'Shia's out of my life.' and 'Don't stop till you kill enough.'

Joke by miniminch, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Jackson - Tagged shia , muslim , michael jackson - Current Score: 3 - Added: 25 minutes ago

robster got buried to -6. Reveal Joke

My Girlfriend wants a white wedding. Thats fine by me.

I didn't want to invite any Blacks or Paki's anyway.

Joke by baldlice, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged girlfriend , wedding , nigger , paki - Current Score: 14 - Added: 32 minutes ago

I've always thought there was something secret and mysterious about the g-spot....but I can't quite put my finger on it

Joke by ferret, in Sex and shit > Vagina - Tagged fingering , secret - Current Score: 5 - Added: 43 minutes ago

MRMIdAS got buried to -6. Reveal Joke

"Mario Ferreyra was giving an interview on top of a water tank at his home in the northern province of Tucuman.
Police were coming to arrest him when he killed himself live on TV."

This left me confused and a bit shocked.. who climbs a water tank to give an interview?

Joke by maniacjak, in Celebrity and news events > Deaths - Tagged suicide , water , tank , mario , interview - Current Score: -2 - Added: 50 minutes ago

Hot jokes THIS MONTH (5 of 3005)

Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together,the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.

Joke by justincider, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged perfect , family , death - Current Score: 3628 - Added: 3 weeks ago

Trick or treat?

Treat: you can suck my knob.

Trick: turn around and I'll make it disappear.

Joke by haha@you, in Jokes with no home > trick or treat - Tagged trick , treat , halloween , knob - Current Score: 1678 - Added: 3 weeks ago

What goes Huh? click, huh? click, huh? click........an american voting down our good fucking jokes

Joke by geemack, in Celebrity and news events > Americans - Tagged american , americans , america , joke , jokes , vote , voting , fat yanks - Current Score: 1677 - Added: 4 weeks ago

Dear Jonathan Ross,

I've just shagged your daughter. Who's laughing now?

Lots of love,

Gary Glitter x

Joke by muzzzzza, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged gary glitter , jonathon ross , paedophilia , sachs - Current Score: 1602 - Added: 3 weeks ago

When Barack Obama was performing his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass.
I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.

Joke by jonnysmith16, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged barack obama , black , shoot , frankie boyle - Current Score: 981 - Added: 1 week ago

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Random Jokes (3 of 3. hit me!)

The reason that Britains 400m Gold winner Christine Ohuruogu failed her initial steroids drug test was because she couldn't fit her cock in the top of the sample bottle.

Joke by HoofHearted, in Celebrity and news events > Olympics - Tagged 400m , drugs , shemale - Current Score: 7 - Added: 3 months ago

Just in case you've had a rough day or you ARE having a rough day.

Here is a quick 7-Step stress management technique recommended in the
latest psychological texts.

The funny thing is - this really works.

Try this:

1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world."

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water.

See - You are smiling already.

Joke by zitface, in Illness and mortality > stress management - Tagged peace , quiet , stress , rough day , seclusion , water , stream , secret place - Current Score: 96 - Added: 2 months ago

I took my kids to the National Space Centre today.

There was fuck all there.

Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Kids - Tagged kid , space , are you blind - Current Score: 46 - Added: 8 months ago

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